What a difference three years can make.
It is roughly that long since I first made a trumpet sextet version of this little arrangement, which later became the version that Manger Musikklag performed so beautifully last Sunday evening.
Rehearsing this piece with the band transported me back to a difficult period. When it was written, I had become depressed, tired and frustrated with life in London, and stuck in seemingly endless 12 month notice period I had to serve after giving notice to leave the military. A fine and prestigious job, but I felt it was time to find new challenges, and a life outside of the big city. A year is a long time knowing you’ve committed to leaving a very secure job without any firm assurances for the future. It was all just a matter of waiting and hoping that everything would line up once I made the leap.
I’d discovered the melody of ‘Eg veit i himmerik ei borg’ whilst visiting Norway during that time. Directly translated, it means ‘I know in heaven, a castle’. Something in the text resonated with me. I guess my own metaphorical castle at this time wasn’t in heaven, but Norway.
It was never meant to be autobiographical. It’s only now we’ve performed the arrangement I recognise where it all came from, using the arranging process as a form of therapy. I hear now the tension I was under and the hope I was pinning on a new start. It begins coldly and confused, relieved by a warm reassuring blanket of the first verse. The second continues with two sorrowful voices, whilst the third arrives with a weighty landing and a shift in momentum. At this point I recognise the me that was facing up to my demons and getting on with the plan. However, we seem to end up where we started; lost and confused. This time it’s with a sense of reassurance and belief.
Those last few bars are where I find myself three years later. I am finding my place in the world; settled and content. And yet there are potential problems on the horizon. This is that last chord: Resolved, yet cautious.
Everyone everywhere struggles through life at some point. We all suffer grievance, loss, or struggle with a burden at some point. Sometimes, it can be too much. But I am thankful those who helped me three years ago, and that I was strong and determined enough to channel prolonged pain into hopeful creative energy.